The funny thing about depression is, sometimes you don't know that's what you're going through. You feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you think it's just normal. You cry over small things but again, you think this is normal. Go on, laugh. Because sometimes it really is that funny. You go to a the-rapist and they tell you that you could just be going through a hard time, maybe this will all disappear soon. Here, let me give you some medication, this will help you sleep. Yes, and lithium makes you feel just amazing. It makes you stop feeling, yes it makes you stop feeling EVERYTHING.
So then here you are, you're not sad but you're not happy. You are essentially a robot. It's like someone has a remote to your emotions and they've put it on pause. You go about in a daze, and nothing seems to make sense, but you don't really care that it doesn't. So you decide to get off of the meds, and the good doctor's advice. And now you're hurt, you're angry, really fucking angry and you don't know how to control it. What is happening? You become even more withdrawn and all the time not knowing what's causing this. You're just...having emotional problems, right? Nothing is wrong, everything is absolutely perfect.
And eventually you'll find something that makes you happy. So so happy and you forget about everything that hurts. You might even pick up a hobby, start writing letters or reading books. But this isn't enough, you wonder where everything went? Everyone is gone, or not close to you anymore, and without your pain you feel undefined. It's this awful cycle you just keep going through, and everyone thinks you're making it up.
Are you making it up? You know, they say pain is relative, and well if everything is relative, doesn't it make pain somewhat made up? Maybe we're overreacting, or maybe it really does hurt this bad. You don't know, I don't know, nobody knows okay? And nobody gets it. We're all just stuck in our own bubbles waiting to be saved.
And you know what? Maybe this is all in vain.
After all...maybe nobody's coming.
i think everyone should be left to live their own lives. you know what? sometimes i wonder if depression and happiness are my only feelings. wheres the middle? apathy?
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